Weight Lifting, Weight Training, Bench Press & Bodybuilding
January 19, 2018

Socially Awkward Situations
By Chandler Marchman

Socially Awkward Situations
...learn to embrace 'em!

We’ve all been in them, and we’ve all survived them…they will make you feel terribly uncomfortable while making others terribly sore (whether from laughter or from the stench of weirdness that ensues).

I’m talking about socially awkward moments…

God knows, I’ve had so many of them, I don’t even feel awkward anymore. I actually embrace them for the sake of my own humor and for the research I’m doing for the book I’ll be writing and retiring off of when I’m 50!

And what better place to discuss these such events than at the gym, where I’ve discovered the likelihood of everyone’s quirks and mishaps seem to be magnified to the tenth degree?!

So that being said, lets get balls deep into this and uncover the most embarrassingly funny (as long as its not happening to you) and terribly weird/creepy events that make the gym the most amazing microcosm of societies retardation! Enjoy….

Socially Awkward Situations
This is what happen's when Santa Clause meets crack...

1) The Smelly F*cker: I actually have more than my share of these little bastards! The thing is, I will tell them they stink when others will be too afraid to approach them for fear of either the awkward conversation that will ensue, or the melting of their skin from the “eau de funk” coming off of stinky’s body. I mean seriously, is it too much to ask of someone to either shower, put on deodorant, or wash their clothes every once in a while? The thing is 9 times out of ten they don’t realize they stink because they have severed the nerve endings in their nose from the rancid emissions coming off of their body! Some smell like they walked through a mile long pile of dog feces then rubbed a hundred sweaty nut sacks all over themselves….C’mon people! Step up and tell your boy they stink!!!

Socially Awkward Situations
Not that type of bench...but yes, that's a fail!

2) The Bench Press Fail: I have ALWAYS been a fan of any epic fails…they make me laugh. I guess for the same reason I still laugh whenever someone farts (more on this later) and when a kid gets the fire beaten out of him in the middle of Wal-Mart by his parents. It’s just my brand of humor. But something about the bench press fail is awesomely funny to me…It’s the fastest way to see a wannabe badass with a swollen ego become ridiculously deflated and demoralized (all because he’s too sweet for a spot). They’re very easy to spot too…and let me tell you I’m typically not the guy that sprints over to save someone either.

I want them to learn a lesson, so I just sit back and watch the magic! Typically they do the double tilt to let the weights just fall off each side (for these guys I just laugh), but the guys that actually fight with it…these are the ones that I really look forward to. Lord knows that the weight of that bar isn’t just crushing your sternum, it’s crushing your pride and enthusiasm for the rest of your training session!

Socially Awkward Situations
classic...

3) The Treadmill Fail: You know what I’m talking about…You’re fidgeting with your I-Pod and before you realize it you’re showing just how terribly uncoordinated you are by eating face on an over-sized fan belt engineered for taking you absolutely NO WHERE! Eating face on the treadmill has to be at the top of the list for all women, because honestly, I’ve only seen women do it! This, along with the very last one on this list of social mishaps, is probably the only thing I miss about the corporate gym atmosphere. It is so awesome, for a second I actually pondered going to Play It Again Sports to purchase one…then I remembered that they blow donkey nuts and sleds are a lot cooler!

Socially Awkward Situations
Girls fart too...

4) The Fart: I’m gonna be completely honest about this one…I see no problem with farting. Whether on purpose, or of the accidental nature, the way I see it, farting is no big deal! Maybe it’s because I come from a family that routinely has conversations not only maneuvered around everyone’s collective flatulence, but also conversations BASED on them! But theses are the facts…dudes and chicks both do it, and whether its by accident when you are going for that last rep on the front squat or not (I actually find it helps propel me up), you should not feel embarrassed! The ONLY caveat to this is when farting turns to SHARTING…That’s when it’s time to either claim “it’s cool to poop your pants” or book your ticket to a neighboring nation.

Now the last on every list has to be ten types of awesome, but I’m gonna crank this biotch up to 11!!! Never will I ever get to experience this unbelievable occurrence again. The fact that I saw it the first and only time was an act of God…a gift from the heavens if you will. So with that epic buildup I give you….

Socially Awkward Situations
You can't recreate this magic!

5) The CrossFit Titty Episode: Let me set the scene for you…I was training a client at the old corporate gym I used to work at and I see this chick out of the corner of my eyes that is doing a CrossFit style workout on her own. Not gonna lie, this girl was GETTIN’ IT! So there she is decked out in spandex from head to toe, looking like Zuzzana’s cyborg sister just cranking out rep after rep of Burpees. This goes on for it seems atleast 5 minutes, and let me tell you, she was packing some extreme heat up top. Now, towards what was I’m assuming the tail end of her Burpee Chaos Workout, the most unbelievably awesome thing to EVER happen at this gym, or any gym for that matter, happened within 5 feet of me! I don’t know if her bolt ons were so fresh that she had no feeling in them or that she was so determined to finish the workout that she just didn’t care, but on the 3rd to last one, both of her tits popped out…Notice I mentioned 1) she finished the set, and 2) her tits popped out on the 3rd to last one.

That essentially left me witnessing the top 3 Burpees ever completed! This is the kicker though….she must not have thought anything of it, because she very casually tucked her girls away and finished with a cool down in the spinning room. The people around her were the ones that felt awkward! I don’t get it! The defining, and probably best moment in this one teenage kid’s life that was standing next to me happens right before his eyes, and all he can do is turn beat red and turn away? I’ll be honest, I was gonna be a gentleman and offer to put them back for her, but I thought I’d give this kid a shot….I guess some people are content with letting their life be defined by missed opportunities…

Well, hopefully y’all enjoyed reading these as much as I enjoyed witnessing them…

And if you did, I hope you’d be kind and cool enough to pass it on to your friends.

But regardless, I urge you to at the very least to share with m YOUR awkward Gym moments.

Simply leave a comment in the box below and enlighten everybody to the utterly insane world that surrounds us all!

As always…
Hate Me Now, Thank Me Later!
Mandler
www.MarchmanStrength.com

 

 


 

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